You ever tried a dish known as “rooster ding”? It’s mainly rooster cooked within the microwave…
I’m guessing Nice British Bake Off winner Nadiya Hussain wouldn’t perceive that honking outdated joke as – maintain on to your Findus lasagne, people – she has NEVER used a microwave oven! (In contrast to my favorite US comedian Steven Wright who claims he put immediate espresso in his microwave and went again in time.)
I like my microwave – I exploit it to make the very best scrambled eggs on the earth, bar none – however, as somebody with a (cough) wholesome urge for food, I’m ashamed to confess I hold trying by the wee glass door and shouting: “HURRY UP!” Tragic, eh? Fingers up, people, I’m a self-confessed fats, grasping b*****d (it’s a courageous man who’d conform to share a fish supper with yours really) and I need to confess there’s just one thought on my thoughts forward of the Queen’s funeral.
I guess the purvey shall be magic! A fiver says we’re speaking a correct sit-down, steak pie job (perhaps even, as a closing nod to her love of all issues Scottish, with a wee little bit of sausage by it). Yup, I guess Jack & Victor – no strangers to gatecrashing a funeral – would have given their final goldie for an invitation to Monday’s bash. Meals was on the forefront of my thoughts once I watched Her Majesty’s coffin being transported from Balmoral to Edinburgh.
Because the cortege drove down the A90 between Dundee and Perth, I used to be considering: “Certainly they’ll pop into The Horn for a legendary roll ’n’ bacon?” And when the hearse crawled alongside The Royal Mile (hey, who hasn’t?) I famous they had been only a five-minute detour from the L’Alba D’Oro – the very best chippy in Scotland.
The expensive outdated Queen deserves an excellent send-off (don’t neglect, the poor soul was compelled to attend all these Royal Selection Performances). A whole lot of supermarkets and excessive avenue shops shall be shut on Monday whereas, as a mark of respect, I hear DFS gained’t be having a sale. Additionally, when Kevin Bridges takes to the stage at The Hydro on Monday evening, there’s discuss of a ceasefire between members of the viewers. That’s a stunning contact.
Again to the grub, although – and if it’s true we must always “breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dine like a pauper”, what about this fry-up I tackled in Blackpool final week? Based mostly on that outdated saying, I feel it’s ME who ought to succeed the Queen! After demolishing this 1600-calorie feast at a cracking cafe/bar known as Vintro Lounge, I did spend fairly a while on the throne.
A examine this week has confirmed that, opposite to standard perception, making breakfast the most important meal of the day DOESN’T assist slimmers drop some weight. However who the hell cares when it tastes this nice? Fried eggs ON the toast is a game-changer, the smoked bacon was deliciously crispy and my sausages had been well-done as requested.
I like a sausage. In reality, I can’t have a look at King Charles’ fingers with out salivating. (Have you ever clocked the scale of HRH’s digits? How does he know when he’s completed a scorching canine?) OK, my ldl cholesterol is perhaps larger than Joe Pasquale’s voice however assistance is at hand. As reported this week, a brand new weight problems jab might slash the chance of Kind 2 diabetes by greater than 60 per cent. (My solely concern now could be sticking a needle in my stomach and flying concerning the room like a burst balloon.)
I may also have discovered a remedy for my loud night breathing – try the anti-snore pillow I found in Blackpool. How does it work? Merely maintain it over your associate’s face and press firmly for 10 minutes. My solely different ailment? Actually dangerous hayfever. However I’ll inform you what, people, I nonetheless want I used to be a florist this week.
PS My favorite Queen-related story from the previous seven days? Princess Anne’s son, Peter Phillips, was captaining Gordonstoun Faculty at rugby and the referee – take a bow, Colin Baillie – greeted him for the coin toss by saying: “OK, would you like tails … or granny?” Good.
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