Picture Illustration by Luis G. Rendon/The Each day Beast/Getty
Lee Phillips is the one licensed intercourse therapist with a bodily workplace within the Hamptons—the lengthy stretch of seashore outdoors New York Metropolis recognized for internet hosting the summer time houses of stars like Beyoncé, Jennifer Lopez, and Jon Bon Jovi. He solely opened his Lengthy Island location in August, however his follow is already busier than anticipated.
The primary wrongdoer? Stress.
“When folks turn out to be huge or well-known or rich, there’s numerous stress on them,” he instructed The Each day Beast. “As a result of they’ve obtained so many occasions to go to—there’s this charity occasion, there’s this one, there’s this one. I’m [on] digicam, I’m getting my image taken.”
“After I consider stress that results in extra anxiousness,” he added. “And naturally that may trigger them to have some sexual points.”
Phillips makes a speciality of what he calls “sex-positive” remedy, welcoming shoppers from throughout the LGBTQ+ spectrum and varied kink communities. He usually treats sufferers trying to begin courting, discover fetishes, or open up their relationships—the latter of which he mentioned is turning into more and more standard. Particularly post-pandemic, he mentioned, “persons are desirous to get extra interested by issues, they’re wanting some extra variety.”
Lee Phillips.
Courtesy of Lee Phillips
Sandi Kaufman, a licensed intercourse therapist and licensed medical social employee, beforehand boasted the one bodily follow within the space, however needed to shut down her Southampton location throughout COVID. She nonetheless sees a great deal of Hamptons shoppers remotely, nonetheless, and insists that when it comes to sexual points, the wealthy and well-known are identical to us.
Besides, that's, relating to their schedules.
“I’ll have classes with folks once they’re in Spain or Mexico, or in every single place,” she mentioned. “It’s arduous to schedule, particularly if it’s couple-work and the couple is perhaps in two totally different time zones.”
Phillips already maintains workplaces in Manhattan and Washington, D.C., the place he’s noticed some marked variations between his sufferers. He in contrast his D.C. shoppers to a tightly wound phone wire, at all times anxious about making connections or touchdown their subsequent promotion. His Manhattan shoppers, he says, are typically youthful, grittier, artsier varieties, making an attempt to determine their place on the planet together with their sexuality.
His new crop of Hamptons shoppers, he mentioned, are typically older, extra profitable—and extra entrenched of their points.
“Within the Hamptons you see very well-established people who find themselves coming in as a result of there's a lengthy historical past of issues they’ve by no means addressed,” he defined. “They've stored issues in and now issues are popping out.”
Unsurprisingly, these buried points result in numerous issues within the bed room.
“Loads of them are in sexless marriages,” he added. “Like, ‘We’ve been collectively for 10 years... and I nonetheless need to be sexual however I don’t suppose she desires to be sexual, or he desires to be sexual.’”
A number of the points are a little bit extra, properly, bodily.
“There’s additionally fairly a little bit of poisonous masculinity on the market,” Phillips mentioned, referring to a cultural stress on males to be robust, impassive breadwinners for his or her households.
“What occurs is once they get into the bed room they usually have one thing like an erectile problem, they really feel so defeated,” he mentioned. “They usually come into my workplace they usually’re like, ‘Oh my God, I really feel like I’m damaged."
Phillips mentioned he counsels these sufferers that their difficulty is extraordinarily frequent, and walks them via the potential medical and emotional root causes. He says the boys at all times go away with a way of aid. “I’m like, ‘There's nothing mistaken with you,’’ he mentioned. “‘You’re gonna be OK, buddy.’"
Sandi Kaufman.
Courtesy of Sandi Kaufman
Kaufman, in the meantime, tends to deal with extra girls—normally older girls with profitable careers within the metropolis, who got here to the Hamptons to seek out extra peace. The one drawback? In addition they discovered a smaller courting pool. “I’ve obtained numerous girls who're going through courting points up right here,” she dished. “There’s a smaller pool of individuals, so it has its personal challenges.”
However Kaufman added that she’d not too long ago had a affected person who began courting an area man, and fell “head over heels in love.”
“I feel there are numerous issues that individuals need in a relationship... It doesn’t essentially need to be that you must have a sure socioeconomic standing,” she mentioned. “When you’ve reached a sure degree, it might turn out to be much less of a precedence.”
Regardless of their wealth and status, Phillips says, his Hamptons shoppers face lots of the similar points as his different sufferers: breakdowns in communication, lingering resentments, and the opposite mundane problems with residing with one other individual. He hasn’t delved into kink with a lot of them but, he mentioned—however that doesn’t imply he gained’t get there.
“I discover that I’m doing numerous work with serving to folks talk with one another,” he mentioned. “However then while you additionally inform folks you’re kink-aware, they arrive in they usually’re like, ‘I've this fetish and my spouse doesn’t learn about it, or I’ve obtained this kink and I don’t need her to seek out out, or I don’t need my husband to seek out out that I’m sleeping with the pool boy.'"
Phillips’s new workplace house is bigger than he wants, and he says he’s pondering of changing right into a coaching house for different intercourse therapists at some point.
Both that or he’s going to begin a intercourse toy line.
“I imply, why not?” he mentioned with amusing. “There’s every kind of alternatives.”